Communication for Families
Families do not need to communicate perfectly. What helps is being able to notice when something is going wrong, understand what may be underneath it and find a more workable next step.
Family communication happens inside real life
People may have different sensory needs, energy levels, communication styles, expectations, memories and ways of processing information. One person may want to talk immediately. Another may need time. One may experience help as care. Another may experience the same help as losing choice. Looking underneath the disagreement can make the next conversation easier.
What is difficult in your family right now?
Choose the situation that feels closest. You can return and explore another.
A simple family check-in
Before trying to solve a difficult issue, four questions can help.
Describe the situation before deciding what it means about anyone.
The needs may be different without either automatically being wrong.
Capacity can affect talking, decision-making and participation.
You may not need to solve the whole family problem today.
Two distinctions that can help families
Support is not the same as taking over
Someone may need considerable help and still need choice, information and involvement in decisions.
- Ask what help is wanted where possible.
- Support the difficult part rather than automatically doing the whole task.
- Keep choices visible.
- Review support when capacity changes.
Understanding is not the same as agreeing
Family members may remember, interpret or value the same situation differently.
- Look for what everyone agrees happened.
- Name differences in interpretation.
- Try to understand the impact on each person.
- Agreement may not always be necessary before deciding what happens next.
Helpful family communication principles
These are guides, not rules.
Several old problems mixed together can make the current problem impossible to see.
Decisions that affect someone usually work better when their needs and preferences are included.
A tired, overloaded or distressed person may need less information and more time.
“What would help?” can be more useful than deciding what another person needs.
Good intentions do not erase impact, and difficult impact does not automatically prove bad intent.
A pause works better when people know the issue has not simply been abandoned.
Explore further
These broader ALPIMS areas may help when communication difficulties involve regulation, support or everyday functioning.
Families can need different things at the same time
The aim is not always to decide who is right. Sometimes the next useful question is: “What would help us handle this better together?”