Impact of dismissive relatives
Why This Hurts So Deeply – and What It Can Do to Your Health
When you’re already managing complex health challenges like those in the ALPIMS domains (Anxiety, Laxity, Pain, Immune, Mood, Sensory), invalidation from people you hope will care can worsen both emotional and physical symptoms.
❗ Emotional and Psychological Impact
- Triggers shame, doubt, and isolation
- Undermines your sense of safety and worth
- Reinforces trauma-related beliefs: “I’m too much” or “I must be imagining things”
- May activate inner critic or fawn response (“Maybe if I just explain better…”)
- Increases grief and abandonment pain especially when coming from close family
❗ Physiological Impact (ALPIMS-specific)
| Domain | Dismissiveness May Trigger… |
|---|---|
| Anxiety | Panic, hypervigilance, or emotional flooding |
| Laxity | Physical bracing/tension leading to joint strain |
| Pain | Symptom flares from stress-related inflammation |
| Immune | Increased histamine or autoimmune reactivity |
| Mood | Depression, emotional numbness, suicidal ideation (in some) |
| Sensory | Overwhelm, shutdown, or misophonia/migraine exacerbation |
🔁 Invalidation loops (being dismissed, then blamed for reacting) can create chronic stress cycles that delay recovery or push people into red zones more often.
🛑 Trauma Reminder:
Dismissiveness can re-trigger early experiences of not being believed, especially for those with a history of:
- Childhood illness, sensory distress, or emotional neglect
- Gaslighting or emotional abuse
- Being “the sensitive one” in the family
🧘♀️ Continue with the Original Sections
(repeat from earlier sections with titles like “Recognize Dismissiveness,” “Internal Boundaries,” etc.)
🌱 Integrate Aftercare:
After any invalidating interaction, your body and nervous system deserve repair, not more pushing.
Build a ritual:
Ground → Validate → Restore.
Example:
- 3 grounding breaths
- Say: “That was hard. I mattered anyway.”
- Gentle sensory input (weighted blanket, calming scent, cold water splash)
✅ Bonus: Why You Deserve to Set Boundaries
You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to a real threat to your emotional and physical well-being.
Boundaries are not punishments — they are prescriptions for safety.
And if someone cannot hear you, you are still allowed to protect yourself.
Dealing with dismissive relatives—especially when you’re managing ALPIMS-related health issues, emotional pain, or trauma—is emotionally taxing and can seriously affect your well-being. Here’s a structured, compassionate, and boundary-aware guide to help you cope without escalating your stress or re-traumatizing yourself.
🛡 How to Deal with Dismissive Relatives (ALPIMS-Adaptive Guide)
🔍 1. Recognize Dismissiveness for What It Is
Dismissiveness often shows up as:
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You’re imagining it.”
- “You just need to think positive.”
- Changing the subject, mocking, or minimizing your needs.
🧠 This is not your fault. Dismissiveness is a form of emotional invalidation and often comes from others’ discomfort, ignorance, or fear—not your worth or truth.
🎯 2. Clarify Your Goals Before Engaging
Ask yourself:
- Do I need understanding or just space?
- Is this a conversation I must have—or can I limit contact?
- Is this relative safe enough to engage with right now?
Choose your energy battles—not every dismissal needs a response.
🧘♀️ 3. Use Internal Boundaries (Protect Your Core)
- Repeat to yourself: “I know what I live with, even if they don’t.”
- Use a grounding mantra like:“Their inability to see me doesn’t erase my truth.”
Visualize an invisible shield protecting your emotions from their invalidation.
🧱 4. Set Clear External Boundaries
You are allowed to say:
- “I’m not discussing my health right now.”
- “This is important to me. If you can’t be supportive, let’s talk about something else.”
- “Please don’t minimize what I’ve just shared.”
Tone tip: Calm, brief, and firm is more effective than defensive or emotional explanations.
🗣 5. Script Options for Different Scenarios
When they say: “You’re overreacting.”
“I’m responding to my lived experience. You don’t have to understand it to respect it.”
When they say: “It’s all in your head.”
“Actually, it’s in my whole body—and it’s being managed with real effort.”
When they say: “You’re just being dramatic.”
“This may not feel big to you, but it’s big in my world. I’d appreciate if you didn’t judge that.”
🤝 6. Use the “3-Strikes Rule”
If someone dismisses or mocks you repeatedly in the same interaction:
- 1st time: Clarify your boundary.
- 2nd time: Reaffirm the boundary and redirect.
- 3rd time: End or exit the conversation.
“I’ve said this is off limits. I’m stepping away now for my well-being.”
🌿 7. Aftercare for You
Dealing with invalidation can trigger flares, shutdowns, or spirals.
Try:
- A Red Zone rescue breath (see earlier)
- Text a safe friend or write in a validating journal:“What they said: ____. What I know is true: ____.”
- Lie down with a heavy blanket or grounding item.
- Listen to calming sounds or affirmations.
💌 8. If You Want to Educate Later (Optional)
If a relative has shown some openness but doesn’t “get it,” you can say:
“Would you be open to reading a short page that helps explain what I go through? It would mean a lot.”
Would you like a 1-page printable explainer for relatives about ALPIMS and chronic illness that’s gentle but clear?
🚪 9. When to Let Go (or Step Back)
Sometimes, protecting yourself means limiting or ending contact—temporarily or permanently.
You are not responsible for educating those who refuse to learn.
You are allowed to step back from people who repeatedly harm you.
💡 Closing Affirmations:
- “I am not too much—I’m just not for everyone.”
- “My experience is real, even when others don’t understand.”
- “I choose peace over proving.”